click here if you wants to see mah artz. xD

wow, i havent posted for a while.... everyone kinda just....doesnt talk much anymore...cept my sister. >.> who wont seem to shut up.... but anyway. now shes saying to take it off of here. and hitting me. oh well. ill probably put something up later...when i can think of something else more interesting. xD

i feel bad for my puppy right now. well, hes not really a puppy anymore. but hes not huge, so i still call him my puppy. anyway, we were camping yesterday, and he was sniffing through everything, hunting for squirrels or something, and we were trying to look after the baby as well, and knew that the dog could at least partially take care of himself, so we let him do his thing by himself, and stayed to look after the baby. but my dad was just trying to see why he was licking his paw, and every time he tried, he would yelp and squeal like, well, a dog in pain. he probably had a thorn or something. im a bit annoyed right now, but not too much. my computers being stupid again. i am obsessed with music, and im trying to get all these different things for a music download thing.... and it isnt working. because apparently, i dont have the right java format for limewire to work. and i "need a 1.6 or later version" for it to work. so now im trying to download that, and its taking forever and a day. im watching it download and hearing jeopardy music in my head. i swear it hasnt moved at all in the past three minutes. it makes me wonder if it knows im typing this, and is going slow just to annoy me. wow, i just came back to it about 15 minutes later, and it was still the same. i made it go buh-bai. you know what i just found? a music download on mtv. now i have "i like you so much better when youre naked" on my itunes. that song is amazing. it always makes me smile. even when im in a bad mood. and now im listening to honeyhoney. thanks a lot seff. one day my friend steffanie (yes, she spells her name with two f's. her name is amazing like that.) came over with two cds. she had i am ghost, and honeyhoney. i am ghost i can believe she listens to. but honeyhoney is more country-ish, and we both really hate country. but i actually like them. i dont know why. i just do. so a moment ago i was going through all the bands they have on mtv. and i saw "lily allen." i love how she says her name. and now im listening to chasing cars by snow patrol. i really like this song. but now i checked to see if it opened another window or anything, and it did. a porn site. -.- god. i feel disturbed again. it seems to do that every time. ima go try to find another pencil. i lost my favorite one at the cabin yesterday. then im gonna go try to draw. and these are the lyrics to the song that ive been listening to a lot lately. its called "something." really. its by escape the fate.

So now you're running

it's hard to see clearly

When I make you angry

you're stuck in the past

And now you're screaming

So can you forgive me

I've treated you badly

But I'm still here

Sometimes I wonder

Why I'm still waiting

Sometimes I'm shaking

that's how you make me

Sometimes I question why I'm still here

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy

Can you help me out next time?

And now you wish that you meant something

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

And now you wish that you met someone

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

Something to somebody else

Something to somebody else

You look at me through clouded eyes

I know you see through my lies

See the sky, see the stars

All of this could be ours

Out of sight, out of mind

we've been through this a thousand times

Turn your back and then you make me feel so crazy

Can you help me out next time?

And now you wish that you meant something

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

And now you wish that you met someone

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

You know I would wait for ever

Yes I would wait (I would wait)

You know I would wait forever

Yes I would wait

And now you wish that you meant something

And now you wish that you meant

Something to somebody else

And now you wish that you met someone

And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

And I'm the one that should mean something

But still you wish that you meant something to somebody else

Something to somebody else

Something to somebody else

well right now....i dont know. im supposed to get up soon and pack, but i dont really want to. i have to go camping. and the dads club cabin. where its usually really really cold. and snowy. and now the interwebz isnt working...again. i hate today. and im hungry. you know what i learned today? relationships are suicide. if you get too attached to someone, and then they leave you, it kills everything. you feels like youve lost everything in your life, like nothing can be right ever again. im too afraid of everyone. really. i get attached to people, then i lose them and the world has to start all over again empty. everything is ruined and lost, and then get left here hurt and dying on the inside, while they go dancing into the sun smiling, trying to forget everything thats happened. then all they say is to forget it all. to forget everything, and move on. that its all going to get better someday, and they still care about you, even though theyre leaving forever. everything will heal then. but nothing is forgotten. every glance, every touch, is stored away in the heart and comes out all at once at the end and it hurts more than anything. but hey, im just a lovesick teenager. what do i know about love? love, what is it, anyway? just what everybody needs, or just wants. we are born, we live a bit, then we fall in love, have sex and have kids and die and everything goes back to the beginning and do the kids love their parents like that? no, they dont know what love is really like until after. when they cant get a person out of their head, no matter how hard they try to focus on anything else. when they need to see that person, and make sure that they are safe and happy. when they would kill themselves just to hear that person tell them that they are cared for. love, or a simple infatuation, or even when you only like the person as a human being. it always hurts when they say to forget everything.

i doubt anyone will actually read this whole thing. :]

this weekend..... way too much happened for two days. :] on friday after school my dad picked me up and we went home and had to pack up the car.... but then they had to go and get the brides petticoat, which she had forgotten and realized that when they were like six hours away.... smart... but then they came back and we had to go... so we were driving for about two hours... .but then there was an accident or something and it took us two hours to drive forty miles. then when we started driving again, there was another accident and we had to wait again, but i forgot for how long. so when we got out of that accident, we went to a brewery called lengthwise and had food there, and that must have been the best hot dog i have ever had in my life. :D then the GPS tried to kill us at 11:50 at night by sending us up a dirt road in a mini van... we almost got stuck, but then my mom was threatening that she was going to throw it out the window if he didnt turn it off and turn around. so we got there at about maybe one in the morning, and then i was night time high, so i could barely fall asleep. then when i fell asleep i was really tired in the morning and my sister decided to wake everybody up at seven thirty. so i was a bit pissed at her, then we all got up and out of the house at like ten. then we went and explored the town. then we had breakfast, and i found out that i was officially sick. i was coughing a lot. now im just sniffly. but anyway. after we got "home" me and rhianna and jordan (one of my parents friends sons that ive known since he was born) went downstairs, and i played foozeball (or however you spell it) for the first time in my life. and... i failed. i lost to jordan ten to two. x]

ima re-edit this in the morning..

well, that didnt go as planned. who was it that forgot the key? ¬.¬ anyway...... saturday, right? yea. so after the foozeball then we had to get ready because everyone had woken up after their nap. so i waited until frannie (jordans mom) was out of the shower, then i had to teach my mother how to use a hair straightener, because she had a curl in her hair that she didnt want. so after that, i took a shower and got out to find that she still hadnt used the straightener and had it on on a cardboard box. smart. then she went and used it in the bathroom instead.... D: god... but then while she did that i got into my dress... then i had to do my bangs cause they were all fluffy. then i put my hair up and got my make u

p done and everything and i felt way too over-feminized. [wait, where did the thing go to change the font?] i had make up on. [all the pretty, pretty ones, wanna get you high.but all the pretty, pretty ones, will leave you low, and blow your mind. were all stars now, in the dope show. were all stars now, in the dope show. they love you when youre on all the covers, when youre not, then they love another. well, theres some random lyrics out of nowhere. :D] it was annoying. but at the wedding, it was raining. it was supposed to be an outdoor wedding, but it was like maybe sixty degrees outside, so it went inside. i was happy for that because i was freezing and in a paper thin, sleeveless dress. but the wedding was nice. the cake was amazing. it had leaves and the outside was solid white chocolate.... om nom nom nom nom nom........... but anyway. xD after the vow saying thingies... me and olivia were walking around, (yes, she learned how to walk now.) and there was this little boy, kaiden, who was about three. he was the son of two lesbians, and the first person ive met like that. i think he was afraid of me. he was a little ball of energy, jumping around like he was on a trampoline the whole time. then him and his mother (the more feminine one) where by the dance floor dancing, livy dragged me over there, and just stood there by him. then his mother was just like "kaiden, ask her to dance!" so he put his hand out, took hers, and said "will you dance with me?" it was adorable. olivia just looked at me as if to say either "what do i do?" or "help...me...." [i really should sew my pants. the hole is getting huge....] so olivia sorta clung to me, and then walked away. after that, every time his mom saw her, she would say, "look kaiden, its your girlfriend! why dont you go say hi?" it was...very amusing.[outside, its cold, the ground is painted purple with the flowers of the tree, and theres a bird that sounds like a car alarm.] [ima go eat.] [that ramen tasted horrible. i dont think i let it sit long enough.]

re-re-edited.

after the wedding we went back to the house, and because kaiden and his parents were staying with friends, an hour away, they stayed with us and slept in the room downstairs. (kaiden had adorable froggie pajamas. :] ) then in the morning i was woken up at ten. we were to go next door to the brides mothers house for brunch. [my stomach hurts so much right now. im so hungry..] that was really good food. thats all i remember. i dont even remember what i ate. :D something with bacon and a chocolate muffin. mmmmmm...... [i get distracted on food too much.] [interwebz isnt working...again. -.-] but after food, we watched this video thingy that the photographer spent the night trying to put together....he did a pretty good job at it too. it showed pictures of the wedding. and the very last song was a green day song. [deviantart isnt loading again. -.-] he didnt really look like a green day fan. but it went with the video. so after that, me and olivia were walking around. (she was walking down the stairs. :D ) then i got over heated and had to go back and i sat by the car waiting to leave while olivia and mother walked around. they were walking, and my mom said "j, look at this." (j is my dads nickname. just the letter j.) me and him both looked, and the ground was white, and moving. and....flying away. i got up to look at it, and mother said "termites." "what? why are there termites here?" "i dont know. or just winged ants." so, there were termites flying around. great. so eventually they were all flying around, then a minute later, they were all gone. then we left. and it was another long drive home. then jose was mad at me for not calling him the whole weekend. :] oh well. wow, that did turn out long. but it was a long weekend. [deviantart is working again. :D i put some stuff up.]

i am worried about:

kim. 

my grades.

my friends grades. 

my older little sister's health.

my friends lives.

olivia.

dun ask why. i just am. all the time. i feel like a mother. >.<>:D 

okay, now i looked it up. it says "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." well, now tell me what those mean. 

usual: normal

not abnormal: normal

regular: normal

natural: normal

they all mean the same thing. i looked in a dictionary, not a thesaurus. 

i dun like that online-dictionary-thingy. D: 

but anyway..... today jose came over to my house and tried to teach me guitar. because he knows as well as i do that im not going to get very far when i cant even read any music. xD but he tried to teach me some of the maleguiña or however youre supposed to spell it, and i thought i was actually getting it. but then i just watched the video on youtube of the guy that first played it playing it...hes blind, and it made me realize that im not going to get it right anytime soon. he plays amazingly, and im still trying to get it so that i can play the simple songs and get the chords right. (today i got a minor, a major, e minor, e major, and c minor...or major, i cant remember which one it was...) but then again i did kinda just start playing. so, i guess i have a chance. wait, am i being optimistic about something? :O wow, that hasnt happened in a while.  kim is supposed to be the optimistic one. thats why shes my blonde. ;D shes the smiley one. while im...well, negativity. :] yup, steffys negativity. ^~^ steffanie really should come back and visit....wow, for a moment there i almost forgot how to spell "back." i almost spelled it "balk." okay, ima go practice now....then sleep. oh wait, what was i talking about before? guitar again? i think so.... wow, ADD. xD