YOU.

you just lost the game.

 XD

REALLY old pictures.

this was me in first grade. fear me, or i will bite your face off. XD

 i like this one better. ^~^

kat.

thanks. you dont even know me, yet you try to help. youre a very nice person, and i would eventually like to get to know you. it also seems like you have a very interesting personality that i can relate to. but like any normal human, you have problems of your own to take care of. yet, you push aside your problems temporarily to try to help others. i thank you for that. you seem like a happy person, like you do know what true happiness feels like. i hope that you arent still cutting, because people care about you and dont want you to hurt yourself. yes, i am a hypocrite. (arent we all in some strange way?) but i care about other people more than i care about myself most of the time. as long as the rest of human society, or at least part of it, is happy then i will be happier. i cant exactly explain it. but thank you for your words of kindness, they mean more than you think. =]

depression?

so, this is pretty funny actually. i am now, uh, really really grounded. because of a phone bill. apparently people went on myspace too much, and the total came to $3,416.44. but my dad said there was some extra, so its about $4,000. 

so as a punishment, my dad said im not allowed to wear black, not allowed to wear jewelry, not allowed

 to have my ipod, not allowed to have my phone, not allowed to go on the computer for any reason (including homework), and not allowed to leave the house for anything but school. im pretty much being put under major lock down. yea, like thats any different from the rest of my life. i dont usually go out, and me not being able to do anything doesnt change it. 

like the bloody marks on my arms and legs will ever fade. they make it worse with each time that they look at me, or when they tell me that they love me. its because i cant begin to try to believe them. they love me because im their daughter. but i cant seem to do anything right for them. i try to do everything they want me to do, but it never seems to be enough. my life is just a spiraling staircase heading further and further towards the basement that my soul is trapped in. i know who i am, vaguely. i dont really want to live anymore, yet i know i am needed and i would hurt too many people if i went through my suicide thoughts. its not that i enjoy pain, its that ive done it so many times that i cant feel it anymore. what more is one, or the thirty to sixty cuts that i have? and yes, i know its that many. ive counted. about thirty five on my wrist, and more on my legs. very few people help, no matter how many try. 

 

and this is just a picture of me and my everlasting boredom.

.....?

okay.....so now i need a topic to rant about......ummmmmmm......

well, first of all, it is raining outside!! yea! XD ooh, i just got a topic....i just got back from picking up my little sister from school. i do this every day. its a three-mile walk from my house to the school and back. and its not like i can control the weather, or the idiots in the cars that decide, "hey, since its raining, and there are pedestrians there, maybe ill drive like a maniac so that the water goes up four feet in the air and goes all over them!!"  really. -.- people should have a bit more respect. theres the idiots that have no sympathy, and then theres the nice, respectful people that go by slowly, making sure not to send any water flying. i encountered both types of people today. (while holding donuts....wednesday is donut day for me a

nd my sister. XD) but i obviously appreciated the few people that slowed down before passing us. :D

and ive had the lyrics to a song called chelsea smile in my head all day.....

ive got a secret

its at the tip of my tongue

at the back of my lungs

and im gonna keep it!

i know something you dont know!!

and thats what ive been hearing in my hea

d all day. oliver sykes screaming. 

oh well. its a good song. ^~^

and this is a picture of oli. i have no clue as to waht he was screaming at the tim

e....but it looks like he was having a good time with it. XD

and this would be my avi.....on gaia if anyone knows what that is. ive almost gotten it to my "dream avi" but that wont

 be for awhile... 

and this would be my "dream avi." and yes, i would definitely dress like this if i had 

what was needed for it. even on a normal day.

 and honestly, i think this one is pretty funny. =]